Many people go around holding on to grudges and negative feelings about others and it causes them to have troubled emotions. This blocks their ability to live a peaceful and loving lifestyle if they can’t find a way to forgive those whom they believe have hurt them in some way. However, if a person can learn how to forgive other people by using mindfulness it will be a lot easier for them to be able to heal their own lives. Mindfulness can help people forget about issues from the past that have troubled them for a long time.
How Does Mindfulness Help?
Once a person achieves mindfulness they become aware of the moment they are in or they can see reality more clearly. It can help them to accept their feelings, sensations and their thoughts in a calm manner. Once they’ve done that, they then can learn how to forgive and accept others for who and what they are, they can learn to accept their thoughts and feelings without being judgmental.
Mindfulness techniques can help people to let go of their past and forget about it and will also help them stop worrying about what the future holds. It is something that teaches people to let go of their unrealistic ideas and thoughts and learn to live in the moment.
Using Mindfulness to Forgive
Everyone has experienced some sort of pain in the past. For some people, it could have been caused by a parent or just an adult they looked up to when they were younger. For other people, it could be caused by someone they loved and then turned around and betrayed them. By practicing mindfulness a person can learn to accept these feelings of sadness, betrayal, or anger and learn to move on.
One way to start a pathway to forgive is to make a list of people you might feel have really hurt you. There might be just one name or there could be a huge list of names. If it’s more than one person then rank how they’ve hurt you on a scale from one to ten. One being the least hurt by and ten, of course, being the most hurt by.
Try the Following
Now make a list of offenses that have been bothering you about each person. Did they say something that really hurt you? Do you feel they betrayed your trust somehow? Did someone treat you poorly or differently than they would have treated someone else?
Once you have a list of what you feel are their offenses against you write down how each offense you feel they committed has impacted your life in a negative fashion. Does it stress you out? Do you find yourself dwelling on the pain it’s caused?
Finally, take a different look at it by trying to see the incident from their point of view. Did you perhaps do something that provoked their behavior? Was their attack maybe warranted due to how you behaved or by something that you might have said?
To Forgive Isn’t Always Reconciliation
When you forgive someone, it doesn’t always mean there’s going to be reconciliation. To reconcile means that you are trying to establish mutual trust with someone else again. However, forgiveness is more about just letting go of the negative feelings and your need to feel vindicated or justified, and focusing only on the positive.
When you use mindfulness to forgive you’re not being told to condone or even excuse the behavior of other people, but instead it teaches you to look for an understanding of why they may have hurt you. There are a ton of reasons why someone might feel like they were justified in hurting someone else, it’s important that one tries to understand that side of the story.
Need to Find Peace
In order to forgive others, you need to use mindfulness to find peace in your life. Finding peace is actually the very next step on the road to forgiving other people.
Mindfulness teaches you how to find that peace by simply learning to accept things for what they are. It teaches you to understand that you can’t change a lot of things and often the things you can’t change will often make you stronger as a person. Mindfulness shows you that there just are some things in life that you can’t change no matter how hard you try or how much you wish they would change.
Mindfulness helps people understand that you simply can’t change other people to what you want them to be. The only thing you can do is change who you are, how you feel, think, and react to situations around you. By changing yourself and understanding yourself is the only way you’ll be able to find peace and learn to accept those around you for who they really are and not what you want them to be.
Mindfully Forgiving Other People
The first thing that needs to be done before you can forgive someone is to let go of your pain you’ve been dealing with. You need to find answers from inside yourself in order to forgive people with mindfulness and find peace.
- Start by asking yourself some questions about the person you think you should forgive.
- Where did they grow up and how?
- Did they learn the same things you did?
- Did they suffer unbearable pain growing up?
- What kind of stress do they face in their life?
- Have your interactions with them been similar to what they have experienced in their lives?
- Have you told them they’re better than anyone else and then they act like they’re holier than thou?
- Did you react in an inferior way around this person?
- Were you negative or stern with them when around them?
Chances are if someone has been treated as if they were more special than others all their life and you, in turn, do the same, they’re going to react as if they are better than everyone else. If they were abused when growing up and they are treated with negativity or harshness, they’re going to react in a negative fashion.
- You need to try and correct your own negative thoughts about your own self in order to understand others and forgive them. If you can’t forgive yourself, you won’t be able to forgive anyone else. This means you need to face your own negative emotions first.
- Take a piece of paper and write down situations where you reacted with negativity.
- Put down your reaction.
- What was it that brought on your negative reaction?
- Are there ways you could have avoided it?
- Now write down five different ways you might have reacted more positively.
Further Steps to Take
- Use this list so that when something similar happens you can stop, think about it, and then remember how the negative reactions made you feel. Lean on the positive ways to react that you listed instead of reacting negatively.
- Think about your feelings and let them move to your heart. Then think about the other person and wonder if they really aren’t as bad as you might think they are. Once you allow your heart to feel compassion for another person, you’ll be more easily able to forgive them and their actions.
Once you have learned to forgive through the practice of mindfulness you’ll be amazed at how quickly peace will enter into your heart and fill your life.